


Who Needs Him? (I Don't, But It's Still Nice To Have Someone)

by steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Be Careful What You Wish For, F/M, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Multi, Realistic, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:43:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers/pseuds/steve_it_only_hurt_a_little_rogers
Summary: You know real life so rarely has a happy ending... why does it still hurt?I hate boys. I hate emotions. I'm going through a time and writing is the only way I know how to deal with it. This is all inspired by my current situation so will be updated accordingly. Do with that what you will.





	1. Chapter 1

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You jerked awake to the sound of your text notification and groaned as you reached over to grab it from the nightstand next to you. Butterflies filled your stomach, beating out the irritation. There's only one person who could be messaging you at 1 in the morning: Bucky Barnes.

You two started hanging out and fooling around a couple of months ago after meeting at a work function. It was against your better judgement since you knew the rumors about his four years strong on again, off again relationship with his abusive and now junkie ex-girlfriend, but you, probably stupidly, let him into your life over the course of his current off again status.

There was just something about those sad blue eyes that made you feel bad for the broken down man. And maybe, just maybe he was the first time you felt truly needed in your life. So here you were, tired as hell, but still immediately opening his message.

 **Bucky:** _I might start seeing Dot again once she stops doing this stupid self-destructive shit. I just wanted to let you know. There's just too many years of good and bad memories between me and her. If I do start seeing her again though I can't mess around with you anymore, sleeping together wise. We can still hang out and drink, just nothing physical. There's probably going to be some poetic justice headed my way over this but...I was your first and I certainly won't be your last. Soon I hope I won't matter anymore. Mutual no regrets right?_

You felt yourself go numb as you read his text-he fucking _texted_ you this shit-over and over. You knew this day was coming sooner rather than later and you two weren't dating so he had no obligations to be an adult about it, but still a fucking _text_?!

You swallowed hard before answering. You debated on being petty. You wanted to tell him to fuck off, to lose your number, to take back every dime and minute he ever spent on you. But you didn't. Like the “beautiful and intelligent" person he always told you are, you shut down and approached it logically.

 **You** : _Hey dude it's fine I knew what I was getting into. Mutual no regrets. You can't hurt what's not there._

You put your phone down wiping the tears from your eyes before laying down again. Who needed him anyway? Your phone dinged again.

 **Bucky** : _I just didn't want to hurt you. You're a beautiful, intelligent, and funny person. I want to see you do better than me and...just the heart wants what it wants. I have no explanations and only explanations._

You felt your anger spike and more tears fall at his attempt to explain himself. You knew you shouldn't be upset, you promised yourself you wouldn't be upset, yet here you were crying about this stupid boy. Life was so much simpler when you didn't pay any attention to them. After a second, you swallowed your feelings again. A little.

 **You** : _...well you were my first so there's always going to be a hurting just like I'm sure you feel about your first lmao. But you do what's best for you. Really._

You didn't get an answer back and after five minutes. You laid down again, trying to convince yourself that he was the issue, not you.

“Who needs him?" you muttered to yourself, holding your Captain America plushie tight. 

You lie there glaring at your eyelids for two hours before your phone dinged again and then rang. You sighed as you saw Bucky's name on the caller ID. You slid the little green phone.

“Hey, you wanna go get breakfast?" he slurred, drunk as ever whenever he calls this early.

You smiled weakly, kicking yourself for answering, but happy over hearing his voice. You were pathetic.

“Buck, it's three in the morning," you laughed like always while picturing those begging stormy blue eyes.

“Aww, come on!" he scoffed, “That's the best time for breakfast!"


	2. Chapter 2

**The Bestie** : Aren't you going to the bar with your fuck buddy

 **You** : Bucky can wait. I'm not letting you pack up in the middle of the night missy

 **The Bestie** : Fine...you can finally meet my Hospitality friends too 

You sent a smiley face to your best friend and sighed before clocking out of your part time job at 8 p.m. on the dot. It was only was only until you finished your master's degree you kept telling yourself.

You sighed as you climbed into your car. All you had to do was help your friend move a few things to her trunk. Then you could numb your emotions with alcohol and the source of all your headache and heartache. 

A few days had passed since, Bucky, told you he was going to go back his ex as soon as he could. Still, even though you knew you shouldn't be, you could found yourself falling for his smirks and jokes and eyes, especially since he still directed them at you...

You blinked back tears and started up your car.

* * *

 

“Surprise!"

Your friend started playfully shouting at her friends from college throwing her a surprise birthday party. You put on an awkward smile. You didn't even know these people and now you were stuck with them until your best friend said it was socially acceptable for you to leave.

“We tried to get, Bruce, here in on the planning," a girl named Ann said as she pulled out Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit, “But he was a bit busy getting-what high and drunk?"

“It's the only way to play Lego Harry Potter, let's be honest," a quiet voice defended.

You scoffed and looked over to see an amused pair of speckled brown eyes sizing you up. Bruce had a decent amount of muscle tone hidden underneath a t-shirt from your shared university, a mop of brown waves for hair, and a smile that rivaled Steve Rogers' in radiance.

You felt your cheeks burn and you glared at the side of your friend's head as she answered a trivia question. How dare she not tell you someone so cute was gonna be here?! How did you never notice him on campus?! 

You sighed as your phone buzzed. Of course it was Bucky.

“Hey girl where you at?" he drunkenly giggled.

“I'm with some friends, I'll be there in a few," you weakly laughed.

“Okay."

He hung up and you came back over to the group where, Bruce, seemed to be killing it at Trivial Pursuit. You huffed and he just shrugged.

“I'm not doing it on purpose," he smirked.

“Fuck you," you grumbled. You missed his slight flush after those words.

That's how most of the night went. Bruce won games, you grumbled, and he smirked wider and wider. Eventually, you left to entertain go entertain Bucky. You definitely didn't miss how Bruce's face fell when you said your goodbyes.

* * *

 

As the week passed, you thought on and off about, Bruce, and the more you did the more you talked yourself out of it. There's no way someone that cute was single or into you. You jumped as your phone buzzed, bringing you back to your weekend minimum wage duties. Absolutely nothing. You unlocked your phone.

 **The Bestie** : Ann wants to know if you're single. Bruce seems to be interested.

You stopped and blinked. He? You?

 **You** : The cute one?

 **You** : I mean I am but he needs to know I'm only here til I finish my degree in a couple months

 **The Bestie** : He's gonna friend you on Facebook

Your heart started going erratic and your palms sweated. What? You shook your head on disbelief, but still kept looking at your friend requests for the next three hours. Finally, he popped up and after a second's hesitation you accepted.

 **Bruce Banner** : Hi :-)

* * *

 

“I can't believe you wouldn't leave them alone until they gave up my Facebook."

“Hey, they didn't give it up you did."

You looked up at your smirking boyfriend with a scowl and he held you tighter with a kiss to your forehead. 

“I hate you," you grumbled.

“Not what you were saying earlier," Bruce winked, “I recall you-."

“Shut up you dork," you smiled widely, snuggling into his warmth, “You know you were worth my wait, Bruce."

“You were worth mine too, (Y/N)."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My boy actually has an unsettling likeness to Sebastian Stan. Incredible huh?
> 
> Bruce doesn't get alot of love


	3. Chapter 3

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"Bruce...you know it's okay if you want to break up when I graduate next month?"

"W-what?"

Your boyfriend looked down at you with hurt and panic in his big brown eyes. You immediately regretted your words, but they were something that had to be discussed. 

"I-I mean I won't be here you know?" you explained, "You have a year and a half left on your Master's, and none of those classes you can take online. You have to stay here, Bruce, but I can't."

"B-but wh-what does that h-h-have to do wi-with u-us-fuck!"

He turned away to regain composure. He hated crying in front of you. You snuggled into his chest, giving him all the time he needed.

Just last week you told him how much you loved him and now you're saying you two should break up? That just screamed shady. You held him as close as you could.

"Bruce, I-I just don't want to hold you back from finding someone that can be here," you whispered, "We've only been together for a few months, it's not fair to tie you down already..."

The room was silent for a while, but you could hear the gears turning in Bruce's head, trying to find a flaw in your logic but to no avail. Finally, he looked back at you with a blank expression. 

"...okay," he said. You frowned. That's all he had to say?!

He sensed your agitation and started to elaborate.

"Okay...that sounds logical," he grunted, "Maybe this is better than trying the long distance thing and starting to hate each other for not being around. Stop while we're ahead. End it on good terms."

You searched his eyes, wondering why he wasn't fighting you when he usually challenged you on anything from how you cook your eggs to your view points on the government. He wouldn't give anything away, however, his face remained neutral. You swallowed hard, biting back tears.

"S-so we're breaking up then?" you asked. 

"Looks like it."

You nodded and laid back down on him, wondering when you sat up in the first place. After a minute, Bruce, hugged you tight. 

"Hey (Y/N)."

"Yes?"

"You're beautiful. Did you know that?" he whispered. Your tears finally escaped your control. How did you get so lucky? 

"Yo-you're not so bad yourself, Banner..." you sniffed.

Bruce lifted your chin up so he could set his forehead against yours. You started sobbing and he just held you. You tried to apologize for breaking his heart, but he quietly shushed you.

"I love you," he promised, "I will always love you."

"I-I'll al-ways l-l-lo-love you too, B-Bruce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life sucks and then you die what can I say.


	4. Chapter 4

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Three weeks after your break up, you were sitting by your dying family Christmas tree talking to Bruce. It was almost like nothing had changed until...

"I started talking to this guy after Christmas. He's determined to make me his boyfriend," Bruce laughed weakly. 

"That's great Bruce!" you exclaimed as your heart shattered to pieces.

How could you be so naive as to think that you two would make it a year and a half without incident? You didn't even make it a month.

"Yeah, he's sweet," Bruce shrugged over the phone, "But I told him that I'm not ready for another relationship yet." 

"And?"

"And he said he's willing to wait."

You sat in quiet for a couple minutes more, trying not to let your dam of emotions break. This is exactly what you wanted right? For him to find someone else, forget about you and be happy with someone who can be around. 

"He didn't have to do it so fucking soon," you muttered to yourself. 

"What was that babe?" Bruce asked.

"Nothing hey look i gotta go okay?"

There was a beat of awkward silence before he said his goodbyes to you. You threw your phone on the cushion next to you, controlling your breathing before you went into a panic attack. 

Why were you so angry? Why are you so hurt? By breaking up you gave him permission to talk to other people so why are you?! You let out a loud sigh and brought up the Tumblr you long since abandoned and started writing your heart out. 

You wrote about your anger, why, Bruce, meant so much to you, just how deeply in love you were with him, and the reasons why you had to love him enough to let him go. Ten minutes later your phone vibrated.

 **Bruce Banner** : You okay? 

You hesitated for a moment before answering.

 **You** : I will be. Just taking a long hard look at myself. 

He left you alone after that. Five hours later as you lay restless in your bed, you picked up your phone and bore your heart out to him almost just like you had on your blog. You saw the hesitation in his messenger icon before he answered.

 **Bruce Banner** : *hugs* would you like me to give you some space? This sounds like every time you talk to me you're in pain

You scoffed and wiped your swimming eyes.

 **You** : Of course, Im hurting, but the thought of not talking to you hurts too...I don't know what I want Bruce...

 **Bruce Banner** : I think you should talk to your friend. Talking to me about this is just going to keep making you feel awful

You gripped your phone tight and resisted the urge to roll your eyes. This was about you and him! He always did this! Every time you wanted his opinion he would turn it back on you. But you respected his wishes and changed the chat head. But not before he messaged you again.

 **Bruce Banner** : I got to get dressed and do some school work. I'll message you later

 **You** : Okay have fun

Twenty minutes later you were right where you thought you would be. Talking in circles with your friend until...

 **The bestie** : Why don't you talk to him tell him to cut the bullshit and be honest or eventually it will cause a break in your relationship.

You saw what happened with me and Francis because he wouldn't be real. Now he wants to take it all back and I won't let him cause it'll just happen again. Get to know how Bruce is now before you marry him or some shit 

 **You** : But that's the problem. I do I want to marry him, I want a future. Im willing to wait for it! I know it's only been a few months bit hes all I want. I just wanted to make sure I'm all he wants... 

 **The bestie** : Then tell him that you can't just hold all of that in. Who knows a short courtship worked for my parents 

You sighed and nodded even though she can't see you. She's right. You needed to know where, Bruce, stands and he needed to know where you stand if you two had any hope of a future reconciliation. 

 **You** : Thanks nerd 

 **The bestie** : I got you dork

With that renewed courage, you told, Bruce, just how much he meant to you. For a full hour he didn't say a thing. That checkmark next to 'seen' started to haunt you when...

 **Bruce Banner** : I think we need some space. This is all too fresh. I need to think about somethings. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. The past hour leading to build up an expectation of rejection. You sighed. 

 **You** : Take all the time you need. Do you want me to unfriend you? 

 **Bruce Banner** : Nah that's a little excessive. Unless just seeing me hurts too much 

 **You** : No. It doesn't. I just wanted to make sure.

 **Bruce Banner** : OK.

It took you a minute to answer, you were just at a loss at what to say. What could you say? You'd just stepped on his heart twice. Once by breaking up with him, twice by getting mad that he was already on the rebound, ruining your friendship before it even started. 

 **You** : Good luck Bruce

 **Bruce Banner** : Whatever decision I make after this space time, I'm only doing what I think is best for us.

 **You** : I know. And I think I already have an idea of what your decision is. Know that I don't hate you for it.

He didn't answer you back.

You unfollowed his page, stopped using Facebook to message your friends, and shoved everything he ever gave you in your lock box. It just hurt too much to see him.

A perfect start to the new year. 

 


End file.
